Nosotros debería saber mejor que jugar con los juguetes en un tazón de mierda.
Good morning. Beautiful day here on the Gulf Coast...no hurricane or tropical storm in sight. Yesterday I spent about 45 minutes running, a half hour reading out by the pond, a half hour walking around the house looking at stuff with my mom, a half hour on the phone with my girl, an hour eating pea soup and watching the Olympics, and every other waking moment here on the damn machine. I feel like a myopic, hunchbacked dwarf. I need spinach.
Speaking of the Games, how great is Bela
Karolyi? He puts the other commentators to shame. Except for Mary Carillo.
My mom calls UBC (the Ubiquitous Bob Costas) "that little guy." Also speaking
of the Olympics, Michael Phelps is great and all, but his
diet is disgusting.
Today's
To Do List is brought to you by Media General:
My mom is sitting across the table from me, at her laptop, reading horrible
things that are going on in Uganda. I think she's just gotten to something
that's too horrible to read aloud to sensitive me. If one of you are more
down with atrocity stories, you should come over.
Too complacent to plan for hurricane
Get lost in the LOLness of it all
Perhaps an act of god will take care of the house and all its contents.
A hurricane
is supposed to hit Florida's west coast sometime tomorrow. It was nice knowing
you all. Well, most of you.
The Tampa Tribune and its television arm ran stories about mom and Mike
over the weekend. The Trib gave them a full page on Saturday and the story
aired at the end of the local news on Friday and Sunday. (Watching an entire
local newscast is painful in the extreme, by the way. Lead story: mother
of "DC Madam" who hanged herself in the shed out back of the mobile
home fights to keep crime scene photos from being broadcast.)
Couple
Starting Outreach In Africa, by Michelle Bearden. Behold a rare occurance
of my mom crying, and on the TV. Brought to you by Media General! Click
to Play.
From: Annie
Subject: MINIVAN!!!
omg you have a fuckign minivan now? that means this night can happen over and
over and over again. we just need to fulfill the second part where we
make friends with a straight edger or a practicing muslim so that
you-know-who doesn't have to pull the ole one-eye in the company
suburban.
oh yeah, and id have to move back in. details details.
To Do:
- Steph says, "LOL-Word. At
first it's just bizarre, but then you get lost in the LOLness of it all."
- Bob says, "please
watch this video
,"
though I can't personally recommend doing so.
- Annie says, "christian the lion
. hai isn't it incred?
yes, it's so for reals. i kept waiting for the lion to maul the hell out
of those dudes, and when he instead nuzzled the hell out of them it was
life affirming. also, they bought this lion at Harrod's. wtF the 60s?!"
- Brian says, "in case you are hard up for content today spin
has an interview with kim deal in their new issue that is one of the
best interviews i've ever read. she's super funny."
- Ellen and Portia tied the knot Saturday. You can see the fuzzy, behind-the-bushes,
telescopic lens paparazzi photos here.
If I Had a Robot (1984), from Paleo-Future: A look into the future that never was
I fell into a black hole
Its name is, I can't believe so many people are into moldy old paper and
shit. Follow if you dare the path to retro ephemera hell: Found
in Mom's Basement > Do
What Now? > Modern Mechanix
> Martin Klasch > Bedazzled
Blue (NSFW!) > Yard Sale
Bloodbath > Paleo-Future.
Now I know where the time goes.
Flaming X!
"Another camper band
describes their musical genre as '100% alternative hamster.'"
I am in Florida, missing DC rock camp for girls.
Luckily, everyone and her better half is working GR!DC
this week, and sending me tiny dispatches. Shauna reports: "Band art/logo
for the next big thing! As you can see,
they are on FIRE."
She also said, "We were explaining they were playing the 930 club
and this kid was like, i've been there, it's kind of small..."
Oh, kids.
Coach's post at The New Gay, A
Rock of One's Own, reveals the genesis of rock camp. It begins with
a trip to New York, where she and Shelly catch one of the Willie Mae Rock
Camp for Girls' band shows. It continues thusly....
"We got back to D.C. changed ladies. Shelly
was like, we need to have a rock camp in D.C. I was like yeah, but I can’t
imagine how we’d pull it off, and went back to whatever book I was
reading, run I was planning, or beer I was drinking. Luckily, there were
a bunch of local ladies stoked about a potential camp, and they proceeded
to put their hearts and minds into putting one together." -
A
Rock of One's OwnDon't miss the showcase this Saturday, 11am (that's AM) at the kind of small
9:30 Club.
I've been crazy busy here with work, a romance comic side project, and
of course, the massive effort to gather my mom and stepdad together to shove
off to Africa. There are many, many things going on around here. Chez came
down for a few days to help and hang out. Yesterday she and I, my two sisters,
mom, and church lady friend Brenda met up at a Bunns & Noodle to discuss
the logistics of the Great Snowman
Collection Auction of '08. Good grief. I thought I might die from the
details. Chez wandered off, and when I finally escaped I located her by
following the drawl that was explaining how to make crostinis. So, a boy
had met a girl at Wal-Mart that day, asked her out, and the girl replied
that she would like for him to cook for her. A ballsy first date request,
no? So, the guy spotted Chez in the cookbook section, decided she might
be a chef "based on her scarf," and struck gold, if gold is a chef who is
more than willing to quickly plan out a date menu for a stranger. Hopefully
we will receive a report on whether dude got lucky with Wal-Mart girl.
In other news, I've given up on sexy little convertibles, and I guess everything,
and am buying my parents' minivan.
Back to work.
Panasonic Audio Egg, 1972
Blow your mind the all-American way
But first, the story about Dani, the little girl who was taken from a situation of
extreme neglect and adopted through the Heart Gallery, has really blown
up. If you're
interested, there's a follow-up
piece by Lane DeGregory, and a Q&A
with the writer and photographer Melissa Lyttle at the journalism site
Poynter Online. I also found while poking around that DeGregory wrote the
story about the Florida city official who was fired after announcing he
was undergoing a sex change. Also pretty interesting: Profiling a Transgendered Life: Q&A with a Features Award Winner.
Today's update is by Kentucky Neil.
From: Neil
Subject: Gay Bob doll? Too good to be true you say?
The 70's, they were a wacky time, as these swear to
God actual advertisements will attest. From dudes wearing crocheted vests
to gay cologne, yes, Jenny, we will have to attest to these times to our
future loved ones, our sons, daughters, cousins, and all others that will
ask us, when we are history's last living link to this era, an era of gnarly
Wigwam socks and Macho brand Cologne. I thought these ads were interesting;
I hope you enjoy them. Hope your parents sell all their shit too, and have
a safe trip home when you leave. And remember, The Easy-Bake (tm) Oven!
Cause we gotta get them broads in the kitchen as early as we can!
Lovins,
NW
Marla reads Harper's Update so we don't have to
"Did you hear about these?"
- The International Court of Justice condemned
Texas for executing a Mexican national who had not been
advised of his right to consular assistance. "Texas,"
replied the office of the state's attorney general, "is
not bound by the World Court."
- McCain campaigned at a biker rally in South Dakota, at which
there is each year a beauty pageant that features topless
contestants performing fellatio upon bananas. "I
encouraged Cindy to compete," he told a crowd. "I told her
with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to
serve as First Lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."
- Greyhound pulled an ad that read, "There's a
reason you've never heard of 'bus rage,'" after a
Greyhound passenger on the TransCanada highway beheaded
and ate his seatmate.
- It was revealed that days after McCain reversed his position on
offshore drilling to one of support, employees and family
members from Hess oil company gave his campaign
$285,000.
- Novelist Jay McInerney said that Rielle Hunter
(the woman John Edwards had his affair with) was the basis for Alison Poole,
a "cocaine-addled, sexually voracious" party girl who
appeared both in his novels and in Bret Easton Ellis's
"American Psycho."
Dale
Mabry Highway in the early morning. Cones stolen from church. Sister saw
a gator in the ditch.
Everything Goes
Greetings from Florida, where it's Florida August hot and we're trying
to sell a lifetime's accumulation of stuff. It is no small task. We sold
a lot of stuff over the past two days, but you wouldn't know it from looking
around the house. My mom and stepdad have less than four weeks to unload
a mind-blowing amount of stuff — and not just be rid of it, but turn
it into money to support their move to Uganda. "Everything Goes" includes
cars, house and dog. But it also means sorting loose buttons by color, wrapping
paper by holiday, napkins, cards, markers, candles....right now my mom is
examining a pair of Bedazzled pink pig salt and pepper shakers. She
found them on Ebay yesterday. There are about a hundred such items that
need to be priced and sold. Aside from all the regular, unsentimental stuff,
there're also photos and family memorabilia and my brother's stuff to figure
out. I don't know how they're going to do it.
Signs like this did little to dissuade people from haggling. Many people
want something for nothing. Some people complain even when you're actually
offering them something for nothing. People. What is up with them?
Mom in action, with bro-in-law AJ, mom's friend Linda Loopy, and Mandy
manning check-out.
Look at these two fraus. The milk pitcher says something about booze
and coffee. Maybe Jaime will translate.
To Do:
It's Murder:
From: Jaimehotdish
Subject: home sweet home!
good morning!
what did you guys wake up to this morning? was it a homicide across the
street? is half your house cordoned off for further investigation? it's
just another nice morning here on 31st avenue in minneapolis....
remember when the police were called to a house across the street during
our wedding party? well, the murder happened in the house next to it,
but they're totally investigating the same house the police were called
to during our party. some creepy teenagers lived there and were buddies
with the drug dealer who lived in the house where the murder happened.
(i guess preceding teenagers with creepy is kinda redundant.)
yay.
luv,
jaime
Mr. Onion © Joe DeFerrari, jodee ferrari
"What I find most implausible about the show Law & Order is the idea that New Yorkers might be able to recall anything unusual they've seen."
1. It's been much too long a time since I've reminded you that Deb Schwartz,
and her internet concern, Debcentral, are terrific. Go there now.
2. I feel I should know who this person is, as he/she links to me, but
I don't. He/she has my kinda blog. Or what my blog might be if I just gave
up on words: holding it all in.
3. The following true story was submitted by Bob.
From: Bob
Subject: Kissinger
oh my god. i just had the most lovely encounter while smoking.
i met this woman who was outside smoking, hiding from her bosses a couple
doors down.
she immediately almost goes off her nut, talking about her workplace--where
apparently her her bosses recently got into a fistfight.
now both of these guys are cozying up to her when the others aren't around
asking her what she's going to say on the police report.
©Harry Benson
in addition, one of the women she, victoria from alabama, works with says
she believes that one of the bosses is evil. the coworker told victoria
that she believes that, though victoria was not evil when they first began
to work there, the influence of evil boss guy is leading victoria to become
evil. her coworker thoughtfully set her up with a meeting w a priest.
in addition, she was at a state dept ceremony the other day in a room
prohibiting cameras. she had been, however, told by her bosses to take
pictures and the picture-taking had been approved by an attendant on her
way in
so she takes the camera out of her pocket and it is immediately knocked
out of her hand by the secret service guys in the room.
frustrated, her boss scolds her and instructs her to open the champagne.
as she does so, she loses control of the cork and the cork hits a portrait
of henry kissinger, damaging it. luckily, it bounced off the portrait
and hit the window, which is what drew the eyeballs, but she's flipping
out because 'there's a dent in the picture now!'
4. Received in the mail, one poem from ca because she knows I've got a
thing for onions. Copied and pasted from Oakhill
Organics blog.
Ode to the Onion
By Pablo Neruda (translated by Ken Krabbenhoft)
Onion,
shining flask,
your beauty assembled
petal by petal,
they
affixed crystal scales to you
and your belly of dew grew round
in the
secret depth of the dark earth.
The miracle took place
underground,
and when your lazy green stalk
appeared
and your leaves were born
like swords in the garden,
the earth gathered its strength
exhibiting
your naked transparency,
and just as the distant sea
copied the magnolia
in Aphrodite
raising up her breasts,
so the earth
made you,
onion,
as bright as a planet
and fated
to shine,
constant constellation,
rounded rose of water,
on
poor people’s
dining tables.
Generously
you give up
your balloon of freshness
to the boiling
consummation
of the pot,
and in the blazing heat of the oil
the shred
of crystal
is transformed into a curled feather of gold.
I shall proclaim how your influence
livens the salad’s love,
and the sky seems to contribute
giving you the fine shape of hail
praising your chopped brightness
upon the halves of the tomato.
But
within the people’s
reach,
showered with oil,
dusted
with a
pinch of salt,
you satisfy the worker’s hunger
along the hard road
home.
Poor people’s star
fairy godmother
wrapped
in fancy paper,
you rise from the soil,
eternal, intact, as pure
as a celestial seed,
and when the kitchen knife
cuts you
the only painless tear
is shed:
you made us weep without suffering.
I have praised every living thing,
onion,
but for me you are
more beautiful than a bird
of blinding plumage;
to my eyes you are
a heavenly balloon, platinum cup,
the snowy anemone’s
motionless dance.
The fragrance of earth is alive
in your crystalline nature.
(Jonathan Newton/The Washington Post)
I'm a private dick
Holy shit, this is funny, and Christina Aguilera is great. Thanks, CC!
Christina Aguilera - SNL Sex and the City Skit
To Do:
ephemera menagerie
Baked Bean Confessions and The Dirty Olympics
Miss Mess sent me Courthouse
Confessions, and I'm Lovin' It®. Entries are made up of a single
photograph of a person leaving Manhattan Criminal Court, accompanied by
their story as told to photojournalist Steven Hirsch.
"I was going to say I watched my urine get washed away in
the rain as my handcuffs were being put on me, it's pretty ironic, you know.
My crime was erased and I was going to jail for a few hours, twenty hours.
A dog can take a pee and I can't. I guess they have more rights then I do.
Right. I'm watching a cop ride a horse taking a dump that I got to ride
over on my bicycle and I can't take a piss on a pile of trash. You know.
Fuck."
- defendant Mark Mark Mark
In other news: Baked Beans. Baked Beans are delicious and also very high
in iron for some reason, which is especially valuable to those who eschew
meat. This recipe at A Cooking Life's got salt pork and bacon, but do what
you will: Some
Serious Baked Beans. Mmmm...If you don't like them, you can always throw
them at the paparazzi. That's what I would do if I could ever get some
paparazzi around here.
Have you ever heard of a half-baked
bean?
The Olympics start Friday and I'm excited but also disgusted with China
and the complicity of the IOC and American corporations and all that shit.
Lucky we've always got the Post's Sally Jenkins on the ground and telling
it straight and pissy: Partners
In Grime. See also, Speak
Up, and Get Shut Down, about former Olympic gold medalist Joey Cheek
being barred from the country for Darfur activism. Sigh.
Waterbug fight in the Knoll Farm pond.
The Legend of Hans Brinker
My sister Jesse works to help kids find homes, so she's got her share of
horrifying stories of abuse and neglect and systemic and individual failures,
but the flipside is the payoff. The success of matching a kid who needs
love and security with a family who has it to give. We need these reminders
that people can be truly good; are perhaps even inherently good? Because
when we read the paper and look around it can seem like everyone's just
looking out for number one. It's so demoralizing to see people acting only
in their self-interest, selfishly, shortsightedly, cruelly. It's never ok
to poison the common well for your own profit, and yet that behavior is
so common as to be barely noticed for what it is. Argh, I'm getting sidetracked.
This story is about the fact that people do try, and care, and take
responsibility, and seeing what can be accomplished when people work together
with brains + loving intention. A story of success like this makes me proud
of my sister, and also feels like a bit of redemption for maligned humanity.
From: Jesse
Subject: the girl in the window — Heart Gallery child
I’ve told some of you about this story we’ve been working on
for months … the end result is so amazing. I’m told it will
likely be picked up on the AP wire (it’ll print in a special fancy
paper section of the St. Pete Times on Sunday.)
Danielle
was photographed last year for the Heart Gallery after being discovered
diapered, emaciated living in a roach-invested closet for 7 years in a
Plant City home. As one of the few feral child cases in the US, we’re
obviously very protective of the adoptive family so have kept this one
close to the chest. The reporter and the (Heart Gallery) photographer
are wonderful and talented people, they did an amazing job researching
the story and both have developed a special bond with Dani and her new
family in the process that’s changed their lives forever.
The real hero of this story (in my eyes) was never mentioned: Garet White,
Dani’s care manager (and my dear friend). Garet fought for Danielle
from day one and ultimately should be credited for finding Dani’s
incredible family who has given this little fighter a new beginning in
life. I’ve attached the story link, also check out the video and
additional photographs- they’re incredible.
She was adopted by the most amazing people on the planet and already
Dani has exceeded the expectations of those who first analyzed her, diagnosed
her with “environmental autism.” It’s really a story of
hope and not to be trite — but a testament to the power of love.
The girl
in the window, St. Pete Times.
So much to do:
- "Let me tell you, if you want to feel insecure 24-hours a day, ruin good friendships, and get every cold that comes through your friend group then polyamory is the ticket for you." Monotony, I mean, Monogamy by Coach, at The New Gay
- Jessica, mother-to-be, says, "my oft-referenced bff dr. friend,
mark wrote a piece on his trip to american girl place, and i want to share
it with the world! oh how i love me some mark gindi." Hello,
dolly, Time Out Chicago
- Is a blog a blog if a year and a half lapses between entries? Jessica,
mother-to-be, has updated! Not once but twice, a veritable flood
of content, someone quick! put a finger in the dyke! 1.
stupid, lazy babies and 2.
lost treasures of the internets
- DeffoTotes knows the secret of happiness: being a grown-up means getting
to do what we want* Ocean
City USA
- After many years, Underblog finally gets Sherman back out on the motorbike:
Bernalillo
and Back, at Underblog Rides Again
- Sweet Corn and Basil Griddle Cakes with Fresh Tomato Jam is just
another day on the farm, at Chef Chez's Farm Freshies
*offer not valid to adults with children.
Snelson & Simmons
The Hunk and the Half-Wit.
The old gang keeps moving away, and mostly to New York. (Cue New
York 
, by Mr. Meredith Bragg.) And
by the old gang I mean the big bunch of people I met as a result of working
at the video store. If the People-I-Know were represented by a tree, there
would be one huge ten-year old branch and its extensions called "Video Americain"
and another five-year old branch called "Emerson House." And those from
the first branch will certainly remember John Snelson.
From: Snelson
Subject:Television Pitch of the day : The Hunk and the Half-Wit.
Imagine it now... Simmons and Snelson, "The Hunk and the Half-Wit"!
(or The Stud and the Simpleton). The greatest Cop Show from the 1970's...
I mean now.
"The Hunk" (Richard Simmons) is an easy-going cop and a great
fist-fighter. With his massive head-wounded friend "HW" (Snelson),
they roam the San Fernando Valley in search of cold beer, country music
and the occasional punch-up. But "The Hunk" is floored himself
by a dainty little country and western singer, who gives him the slip when
she realizes he's getting too serious. The Hunk and HW set off in pursuit,
pestered by bikers.
And while we're on video store memory lane, Bob says, "by the way, this was in the express this morning. awww." Renter's Paradise: Video Americain & 'Metropolis'.
To Do:
From Coach/Ernie/Gawker:
"Enjoy!"
Movie
Theatre Becomes Old Gay Porn Hut for Two Minutes
My bro's the fucking cutest, and that's why I had to steal his shirt.
The Pieces That Fall To Earth
Shauna sent this poem today. It's by our new poet laureate, Kay
Ryan.
The Pieces That Fall To Earth
One could
almost wish
they wouldn't;
they are so
far apart,
so random.
One cannot
wait, cannot
abandon waiting.
The three or
four occasions
of their landing
never fade.
Should there
be more, there
will never be
enough to make
a pattern
that can equal
the commanding
way they matter.
-kay ryan
Kay Ryan is also a bigtime D. See Ms. Cavanaugh's interview in the Blade: Ryan's hope:
California lesbian awarded the U.S.' poet laureateship.
Today I Had To Catch Up on TNG Stuff, Even Though I'm MegaFucking Moody:
"In a meeting."
When ambivalence is enough
Today's content provider is once again Dan W.
From: Dan W.
Subject: daring cat rescue
Hi Jenny,
I’ve wanted to send this photo to a blog. Your cat credentials check
out so here you go. First – let me make it clear – I’m
not a cat hater – some people think I am. I am ambivalent about cats
– which I think is fair since they are ambivalent about me and just
about everything else except for string and birds. Anyway – I guess
you could say I saved a cat’s life once and I’ve got photographic
proof.
I went outside to deliver some mail to my tenant in the guesthouse when
I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a cat, sitting on
top or the lanai (the screened-in area over the hot tub) with a Lays Potato
Chip Bag on its head. I took out a ladder to take a closer look. Every
30 seconds or so the cat would move it’s paw over the bag but it
was jammed on tight and the bag did not budge. There is no way to climb
on top of a lanai without killing yourself. Someone would have to climb
on the roof – reach over and pull the bag off. Long story short –
I’m afraid of heights – got the neighbor – got my camera
– cat was saved – I helped. Not sure how long the cat was up
there. I just did what I hope someone else would do if I ever got a Wise
Onion & Garlic potato chip bag, for instance, stuck on my head.
To Do:
- From ESG: "i am a dork but you are, too. thought you might be interested
in this
library of fabric swatches from the 1800s, all scanned and useable
for neat things. not sure what. maybe backgrounds or whatever. you can
zoom in and see the weaving and all."
